I was struck recently by the contrast between this ugly, prickly weed:

and this comparitively beautiful flower that it produces:

It makes me wonder how often I see only the negative in my life- the things that don’t turn out as well as I would like them to; the inevitable challenges that arise in life; the imperfections in myself and especially in others.  Seeing this flower helps me remember that I have a choice- to try to learn from mistakes, to appreciate challenges and to look for the good in everyone.

This weed reminds me that life isn’t easy- it wasn’t meant to be- but if I look closely enough, there is beauty among the thorns.

My 12-year old daughter is away from home for the first time.  She is at “girls camp” with other young women from our stake.

As the time approached for her to leave, I could tell that she was nervous, and we tried to reassure her.  I thought that she would be busy and would have fun and wouldn’t be as homesick as my son was 2 years ago when he went to scout camp for the first time.

I was wrong.  One of the leaders called last night and had me talk to her.  She bawled.  I think part of the emotion is driven by sleep deprivation as I imagine that no one gets enough rest in a crowded tent with a few dozen young women.  But it broke my heart to hear her cry and to not be able to console her.

I have learned some things from this experience.  I have learned how much I love my daughter and that I don’t want to be apart from her.  But I have also learned that part of the growing process for both parent and child requires the two to be apart at times.  Both the parent and child need to learn that the child can succeed in the absence of the parent.

In fact, I believe the success of a parent is largely determined by how well the child is prepared for adulthood (when he/she reaches that age)- to be an independent, contributing part of society.  

While other girls at the camp may have also been homesick, I wonder how I unwittingly may have contributed to my daughter’s troubles.  I wonder if in my insecurity and need to feel loved that I allow and perhaps even encourage her dependency on me when I should be encouraging her to become more and more independent.  Logically, I know that the parent/child bond is inseparable by time and distance, but perhaps I still fear losing that bond.

Well, she’ll be back tomorrow, and I am anxious to see her and to hear all about her camp, and I’ll have to begin making a greater effort to encourage her independence.

(from the drawer of drafts, originally started in January…)

I’m somewhat of a dreamer.  I tend to think in terms of ideals.  In my mind, I have this image of how I want my life to be- my job, house, and family, as well as the type of person that I want to be.

I think the gospel and teachings of Church leaders encourage us to be somewhat idealistic.  The scriptures teach ideals (like being perfect), that we aren’t likely to achieve in this life, and Church leaders teach these same high standards that the faithful all strive to obtain.  I cannot disagree with the practice of striving for the ideal when it is promoted by Heavenly Father.

In practicality, I believe there are positive as well as potential negative aspects of striving for the ideal.  I think it is healthy to have a high standard that keeps me wanting to learn, to achieve, and to improve.  I think it also keeps me from becoming too complacent or content with what I might have learned or achieved.  It is good, I believe, to have lofty goals to keep you “anxiously engaged.”

But in other ways, I think that these lofty goals can be detrimental if we don’t approach them with the right perspective.  Striving for the ideal can result in ingratitude if it causes you to dismiss the blessings you have with an ever increasing need for more/bigger/better.  Also, the pursuit of ideals can lead to comparing ourselves with others, and such comparisons are generally not productive.

If our priorities are unbalanced, striving for the ideal will likely lead to a focus on things of lesser importance (a nicer home, more things, etc.) at the expense things that really matter most (relationships with family and friends, faith, etc.).  This is similar to Covey’s concept of climbing the ladder of success and reaching the top only to find that the ladder was leaning on the wrong wall the whole time.

Also, striving for some ideals will inevitably require the involvement of others, and these are especially prone to frustration.  For example, if I am striving for a certain type of family environment, I will likely be frustrated if other family members do not share this same ideal.

For me, the biggest challenge is feeling that I’m not progressing toward the ideals that I want to achieve.  I realize that progress is incremental and sometimes nearly imperceptable.  Although I may not often detect progress toward many of my ideals, I hope that I am progressing more than just chronologically.

The trick, I think, is finding the right balance between learning from the past and preparing for the future while living in and enjoying the present.  All are important, and an excessive focus on any one can diminish the value of the others.

What do you think?  Is it better to have high ideals that we may never reach but that keep us learning and striving even with some frustration, or to have lower expectations that may be easily achieved even though much of our potential may be untapped?

I enjoyed this talk from 30 years ago that touches on this topic.  And as an added bonus, my original title of this post was “Dreams,” so enjoy this song by Supertramp:

(I’m not sure if anyone even reads this.  I write mainly for myself anyway, but I usually spend a lot of time writing and re-writing until I feel like I have expressed my ideas clearly and articulately.  I am choosing to not spend the time to do this today but instead to publish this in a fairly rough stage…)

Today, being a fifth Sunday, our third hour of church was combined with men and women, and even the older youth were invited.  The stake president taught the lesson, and since I had been to these presentations before about the options available for unwed women that become pregnant, I didn’t particularly expect this presentation to be much different.  Today’s meeting was wonderful, and I hope to share some of what most impressed me.

The focus of the lesson was on doctrine- the reason for doing what we do.  The principles are outlined in the June 2002 letter from the First Presidency to leaders of the Church.  The obective is to allow each person the greatest possibility for making and keeping covenants.  “Children sealed to parents have claim upon the blessings of the gospel beyond what others are entitled to receive.”
1) parents and leaders teach members to live chaste and virtuous lives
2) unwed parents should first consider marriage
3) when a successful marriage is unlikely, the unwed parents should seriously consider placing the child for adoption through LDS Family Services

At the end of the class, a woman in our ward asked if she could share her testimony.  She and her husband are unable to have children, and a year ago they adopted the beautiful little girl that they cherish so much, and they have been sealed together.  I could see how significant the sealing is to this dear sister.

A few things come to mind after thinking about this.  First, how easy it is to take for granted the blessings of the gospel, such as sealings.  It may be, that like a child that soons tires of his Christmas gifts, that we too may fail to fully appreciate our blessings.  If we don’t cherish the blessing, I wonder how well we keep the covenants?  After all, I believe that keeping our covenants requires that we specifically think about what it is that we have covenanted to do, and then doing those things. 

Second, as I thought about adoption, when someone is unable to have children, I can imagine how much they would truly treasure the child that they are able to adopt.  I need to cherish my children more.

Third, I was reminded that in making covenants with Jesus Christ, we become his adopted children.  He paid the ransom for us by paying the price for our sins.  In making and keeping our gospel covenants, we become joint heirs to all the Father has.  I am sure that we cannot fathom the love of our Father and the blessings He has for us if we will but keep our covenants.

I love these definitions of inspire:

• to animate
• to stimulate to action
• to fill with enlivening or exalting emotion
• to spur on or to encourage

I was inspired by this video of Jon Schmidt:

It is inspiring to me to see someone such as Jon that loves what he does.  I am inspired by people that dedicate time and effort to perfect their skill and then share it so generously with others.

I am impressed that Jon dedicated this song to his daughter.  In a sense, she inspired him to do this arrangement.  I think we are all capable of inspiring others, and perhaps that is one of our greatest callings in life- to encourage, to strengthen, and to inspire others to do and to be their best.

Thanks, Jon, for the inspiration!

This is probably the fifth or sixth post that I have started now on the topic of motives.  I think our motivation for the things we do is often as important if not more important than what we actually do.  Motivation, I think, can become complex, and maybe this is why I have so many unfinished drafts on the topic.

I will try to keep this brief and to the point by focusing on a recent personal experience.  Someone that I know fairly well and that I admire is going through a serious medical challenge.  This has been challenging for his whole family as I think it would be for anyone.

I am truly saddened by the difficulty that they face, especially this family’s children.  Out of a desire to do something to help, I offered to bring a pizza for their dinner tonight, which they graciously accepted.  I use this personal example not to show how wonderful I am, but on the contrary, to highlight how I believe that even sincere service is often given at least in part from a selfish perspective.

It is true that I had a sincere desire to help.  However, I suggested the pizza at least in part because it was an easy solution to my desire to do something.  And although the pizza may be helpful for the family, I am quite sure their needs go far beyond a quick meal.

If I really cared, wouldn’t I make a greater personal investment in really meeting their needs rather than selecting the most convenient solution for me?  Was I more concerned about helping someone or about satisfying my own need?

Like I mentioned, motives are complicated, and I think various motives are often at play for any given action.  Rather than congratulate myself for doing a good deed, in the future, I hope that I can more generously and selflessly give of myself to help those in need.

This past weekend our stake was reorganized under the direction of Elder Ballard and Elder Wheeler.  We had wonderful meetings- the Spirit was present, and I was taught/reminded of many important truths.  Here are a few of the main ideas that caught my attention:

• prophets are seers; they see the enemy from afar and warn us of what we need to do to be safe; our safety lies in following the prophet
• we need to make a greater effort to recognize promptings of the Holy Ghost; we must find a time and place to ponder and to listen
• a “mental” conversion to the gospel is not sufficient; to withstand temptations and trials that we may face, we need testimonies that are deeply rooted in our hearts

As I have thought about some of the comments, I have also been reminded that comparing ourselves to others can be dangerous.  On one hand, if we view ourselves favorably compared to others, certainly we have problems with pride.  And if we compare ourselves with others and find ourselves lacking, we suffer from yet another aspect of pride.

In a favorite book of mine, Ester Rasband puts it this way:  ”Self-hatred…is the most intense form of self-love, because it is total self-absorption, total preoccupation with seeking our own comfort.”  While I find myself often thinking that so-and-so has such a perfect life or that I wish I were like such-and-such, I realize that such comparisons are never productive and that I am better off not judging at all.  I think there is a fine line between appreciating some else’s virtues and coveting them.

Finally, one of the speakers reminded us that we do not need to be called to the stake presidency (or any other calling for that matter) to obtain the greatest blessings that Heavenly Father can offer.  We only need to have faith, to repent, and to endure to the end in keeping our covenants, and although it may not always be easy, these are things that we all can do. 

It was a wonderful conference, and now the challenge is to actually change- not necessarily what I say or do but more in how I think and feel.

Painting by Cloy Kent

Often when I have an idea to write about, I’ll begin but soon get mired in complexity as one idea leads to another.  I end up thinking of different scriptures or talks that relate to the topic, and what began as a simple idea becomes a little cumbersome.  Thus I now have many drafts at various stages of completion.  I’m finding it is much easier to comment on other blogs than to write my own post here.

While reading a favorite blog today I was reminded of the story of Francis Webster, a pioneer from the Martin handcart company.  Many are familiar with him as the account has been published in various manuals over the years.  Familiar or not, it is worth reading, and rather than recounting it myself, you can read about Francis’ experience here.

These handcart pioneers experienced adversity in the form of malnutrition and hunger, disease and illness, and exposure to freezing temperatures.  Few of us can imagine the difficulty of walking, often barefoot, between 14 and 20 miles per day, with very little to eat.  We cannot fathom trudging through snowstorms, up hills and mountains, day after day.  It is a miracle that so many survived this 1300-mile journey.

As Brother Webster points out, the pioneers themselves were not critical of the leaders whose decision to leave late in the season lead to suffering and death beyond what other handcart companies experienced.  Rather, Brother Webster and most likely others of the Martin and Willey companies recognized that the extreme adversity they experienced lead them to rely on God and to know Him personally; they saw this as a great blessing.

So, this leads to my questions:  are adversity and suffering required for us to to personally know God?  In our lives of relative comfort and ease, can we develop this same personal relationship with our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ?  What are the keys to developing this relationship?

I feel as though my somewhat troublefree life has resulted too often in complacency.  By no means is my life perfect- I have many of the same concerns and issues that we all struggle with- but I believe that my challenge is to learn to rely on God and to come to know him more personally without being compelled to do so by adversity.  While I’m not too worried about “being carefully lead down to hell,” I do worry about being “lulled into security” such that I don’t sufficiently exercise faith, adequately repent, or humbly become as valiant of a servant as I am capable of becoming.

I definitely do not have all of the answers and hope that others will share ideas, but here are my thoughts about coming to know God in the absence of adversity:

• Recognize His love and be grateful for His many blessings
• Seek to know and to do His will
• Practice reaching out and selflessly serving others
• Put Him first in my life; direct my thoughts and efforts toward Him and His work

It is easy to understand and to discuss these principles; the challenge comes in actually living them….

I’m not a good multitasker.  For me, there’s nothing more enjoyable than having one simple task and sticking with it until it is 100% complete, and then perhaps starting on something else (if I’m up to it).  It seems my mind can only handle one thing at a time.

If you call me while I’m at work and I actually happen to be doing something, be prepared for a pretty neanderthalian conversation:  I might get out something like “uh huh” or “nope” while I fight to maintain focus on my work (OK- maybe not quite that bad).  I did recently discover that I can eat and read at the same time with some proficiency!

My wife, on the other hand, is an amazing mutlitasker.  In fact, I don’t think she ever monotasks.  She can text message on her phone, talk on another phone, and cook dinner at the same time.  She does more in 10 minutes of multitasking than I do all day long (and that’s on my good days).  I don’t think she’s capable of not multitasking- it just comes naturally to her, and I think she must get bored if she’s only doing one thing at a time.

The multitasking wife and the monotasking husband need to be aware of their tendencies (limitations?) if communication is to occur.  For example, I may wait in vain all day for my wife to slow down to mach1 to try to get her attention to discuss something.  She might be trying to tell me things all day long, but I may be so focused on something else that I miss her full message.  It’s just a difference in pace, but an important one that needs to be addressed for multitaskers and monotaskers to communicate.

Now this is done, so time to move on to my next task….

I’ve really been enjoying the changing colors of fall and finally started taking some pictures a few days ago.  Now, everywhere I go, I’m searching for trees that are accessible for photo taking.

I wish I had more time, a better camera, and some training to better capture the beauty I have seen….

Some pretty leaves at Disneyland earlier this year

Flowers outside our house from earlier this summer.

Taken last fall near Timpanogos Cave

Neighborhood Tree

Neighborhood Tree